Return to Civilization

Maternity leave has come to an end...I returned to the office yesterday, although I began sending Lucas to daycare at the beginning of the week to get him acclimated. Despite this being my second go-round with sending a child to daycare, it was still bittersweet and I missed having his warm little body constantly at my side the first two days. That being said, there is a part of me that welcomes the "return to civilization" and the part of my life that is solely ME. I relish having a career which I enjoy, coworkers who are friends, and a space where I can learn and feel challenged mentally. Don't get me wrong, there are days where I sit in my cubicle and miss my kids terribly, and feel like I am a bad mother for not being there to raise them every minute of the day. There are nights where I watch them sleep, lamenting that they are bigger than they were the day before, and wondering whether I gave them enough attention in the few hours between coming home and bedtime. Despite those moments of insecurity, I know that in the grand scheme of things I am doing what is right for myself and for my family.

It is an interesting experience going back to work after maternity leave, particularly the first time. You come back to the office and it's like nothing there has changed, yet you are an entirely different person. I think motherhood actually changes your outlook on work (and life in general) for the better. Motherhood is the ultimate Project Management position! You become super-efficient, prioritize like a pro and power through your to-do list despite sleeping in 15-minute increments the night before. My personal acquired skill: I can do anything one-handed...seriously, ANYTHING.

Joking aside, your life completely changes when you bring that little baby into the world. When you are tasked with nurturing and caring for another life, you quickly realize what really matters in life. And the truth is, not much matters except for your health and the people you love. Emails, deadlines and petty office coworkers quickly fade to gray and merely become background noise to your life. Motherhood has taught me how to appreciate life and how to let go of the things that I cannot control.I have a second chance in life to find joy in the little and big things. Motherhood isn't for everyone, but I am grateful for the opportunity.