An A for Effort

Somehow, somewhere, the Parenting Gods were smiling down on us because we were fortunate enough to avoid the dreaded Terrible Twos with Cruz. He's just a few months shy of turning 4 and we have never had to deal with tantrums, kicking, screaming or public meltdowns (still knocking on wood). He has proven to be a level-headed kid that can be reasoned with, and will usually go along with whatever we say as long as he is provided an explanation. Despite his easy disposition, we knew it was still important to discipline him as he grew older.

Both Randy and I grew up in families where parents were the ultimate authorities. They were never questioned, talked back to or disrespected. Even when they were unreasonable or unfair, their word was the final say and there was nothing that could be done about it. Growing up I vowed to be more lenient and "cooler" than my parents. As we all know, hindsight is always 20/20. Even in my short 3 1/2 years as a parent, I already realize the value of being the authority in your child's life and demanding their obedience and respect. When they are toddlers, it provides structure for their developing minds and gives them a framework for their broadening worlds. As teenagers, it allows parents to keep a tight rein on hormonal adolescents who think they are invincible. That being said, I'm not aspiring to be the next Tiger Mother, but I do want my children to grow up being accountable for their actions and knowing that there are consequences their behavior choices.

I got a great tip from my friend Violeta, a child psychiatrist, who suggested using a behavior chart to begin teaching Cruz. I downloaded some blank templates to use for Cruz. There are 5 spaces to list out the child's daily tasks/expectations. Here are Cruz's tasks for this week:

1. Say "please" and "thank you"
2. Put away toys every night
3. No interrupting when other people are talking
4. Feed myself at dinner
5. Stay in my seat at dinner

At the end of each day, Randy or I review each of Cruz's tasks with him, and decide whether he accomplished them. For each successfully completed task, he gets a star. If he receives at least 3 stars (a majority) that day, he is awarded with a special sticker (these run the gamut of cars, trucks,and food - all of which he helped pick out).

This continues for the whole week, and at the end of the week, if Cruz accumulates at least 4 special stickers (again, a majority) he gets to choose a reward from the prize box!

We are only 4 days into our first behavior chart and we've already seen an improvement with Cruz. He knows that we'll be checking to see if he picked up his toys or stayed in his seat at dinner, and that's enough for him to make an effort so that he earns a star. Violeta mentioned that not all children respond well to the behavior chart because it's a delayed reward system, but luckily it has struck a chord with Cruz. I am so proud of my little guy and how hard he tries to do the right thing...I'm a lucky mommy!